


Breaking the Habit

by psychotraumatic



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Wonhui - Freeform, broken relationship, wenyanwen, wonhui keep up pls, wwjn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-11 12:23:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16475507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychotraumatic/pseuds/psychotraumatic
Summary: Junhui ends up on the losing end and feels like an idiot. And while Wonwoo gets to laugh, Junhui just wishes he can be okay, too.





	Breaking the Habit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [daydreamingofyou (foldedpapertowels)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foldedpapertowels/gifts).



> Listen to [this playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/iye3s7ut5881hol9hwusn05gp/playlist/32woKwYnoLCZ4XKlkm1C1h?si=G-xaGsWeQ6SdT4qQnrklxg) for added feelings. Don't put it on shuffle!

In the midst of his struggle to take up as little space as possible, Junhui vaguely recalls the piece of advice his dorm RA told him on his first day of campus.

_“Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with anyone on your floor. Relationships tend to make things messy for everyone. I’m not saying it’s illegal. Maybe you’re one of the good ones who can make it work. Just be careful, I guess.”_

He later learns that Jeonghan spoke from experience and, in hindsight, it was something that he should have taken more seriously. Regrets almost always come at the end, of course. Now, Junhui bites down on his tongue to keep quiet, he hunches his shoulders and sinks down his seat to avoid extra attention. In a room full of people, he just wants to disappear.

But while Junhui’s presence becomes unnoticeable, Wonwoo’s is taking up every crevice it can reach. It’s in the greetings his friends shout from their seats, in the boisterous laughter that reaches his ears, in the searing pain that pricks his heart. And it hurts like hell.

Junhui flinches when he feels a familiar presence and the scoff that follows his reaction.

“You don’t have to force yourself away from everyone, you know?” Jihoon deadpans.

“Sorry,” Junhui whispers back.

“Why do you keep apologizing? Yeah, he’s our friend first and you broke up. But you’re our friend, too. We all mean it when we said we’re here if you need us.”

“Thank you.”

Jihoon clucks his tongue at his reply, but says nothing else as the professor finally walks in. Junhui does his best not to cry.

 

×××

 

“How long are you going to keep cooped up in this room?”

Junhui stops scribbling through his chemistry problem set as the question hangs in the air. His roommate has been good about keeping mum about the subject, but he guesses that Minghao’s patience does have an end to it. It likely doesn’t help that his boyfriend is one of Wonwoo’s best friends.

Junhui knows Minghao won’t like whatever answer he has. So he purses his lips and continues with his homework wordlessly. He hears Minghao’s frustration through huffs and heavy footfalls, taking a deep breath to brace for the impact.

“You can’t avoid it forever, you know? You can try but it won’t erase the fact that you share classes, you share friends, you share this school.”

Junhui hates the amount of truth in Minghao’s words. He can’t study at the library because Wonwoo loves books too much to spend his free time anywhere else. He can’t while time away in the dance room with Soonyoung because Wonwoo tends to drop in with snacks for his other best friend. He can’t hide out in Jihoon’s room because the aspiring music producer often uses Wonwoo’s lyrics for his samples. His dorm room was the only sanctuary where Junhui was sure Wonwoo won’t dare enter, much like he tries to avoid the corridor of his ex-boyfriend’s room.

“He asks about y–”

“Please don’t,” Junhui interjects.

“Junnie.”

Even without turning around, Junhui is certain of the pity Minghao exudes. He sighs deeply and turns his seat, finally meeting eyes with his roommate.

“People deal with grief, heartbreak, and whatever other emotion differently. Having as much space between myself and Wonwoo is what I need right now. Because while the breakup was clean and we ended on good terms, my heart is still in pieces. And it just hurts more to see him look as if nothing ever happened.”

“That’s not–”

“I know it may not be the case,” Junhui interrupts. “I know that maybe it’s his way of dealing. But until I can get the courage to look at him again and not feel as if my insides are tearing apart, I’d rather be alone. Please understand.”

“I’m sorry,” Minghao says earnestly. “I promise not to push you anymore. I’ll tell the others, too. Don’t forget that we’re here for you, too.”

“Thank you.”

 

×××

 

The following days and weeks go by with much struggle. Junhui busies himself with assignments and advanced reading. When he runs out of material, he makes the tremendous effort of stepping into the library, perusing the aisles for what he needs but never looking in the direction of the seats. The heated gaze on his back is enough indication anyway.

When Soonyoung exercises his authority as the dance club president, he requires all members to clock in at least 4 hours a week in the practice room. They’re heading into competition season and Soonyoung won’t take any excuses, leaving Junhui no choice but to attend. Slowly but surely, Junhui settles into the routine of learning new choreographies and focusing on his movements. The mirrors make him curse under his breath though, especially when he gets a look of Wonwoo as he pays a visit to his best friend. It’s hard to escape his ex-boyfriend’s concerned gaze when the four walls Junhui can turn to all show Wonwoo’s reflection. Soonyoung makes a concentrated effort to get Wonwoo to leave quickly, or speak to him outside the dance room. For that, Junhui is thankful.

Junhui can’t hide his shock when Jihoon starts showing up after his practices, patiently waiting outside the dance studio with an invitation for a meal or a coffee. Junhui gets the chance to listen to some of the music Jihoon works on whenever there’s a lull in conversation. He takes note of how none of the songs have Wonwoo’s voice in them.

On the days Junhui locks himself up in his room, he’s never alone for long. Minghao has developed the habit of staying in whenever he was, a few times even having Mingyu come along. While the tall boy is another of Wonwoo’s best friends, Mingyu has the uncanny ability of making Junhui forget that fact. It’s in him asking for help in cooking Minghao’s favorite Chinese dishes, in letting himself be the butt of jokes between the roommates, in playing with Junhui’s hair and trying to convince him to grow it out.

With his efforts and everyone’s help, Junhui starts to forget. But there are still times when the dull ache becomes a persistent pain, and he finds himself close to falling apart all over again.

 

×××

 

“So,” Jeonghan starts after downing his shot. “What are your plans for the summer?”

Junhui shrugs absentmindedly, his focus trained on the meat his was flipping and cutting. He just took his last exam that morning. His mind was yet to recover from the information overload, much less have concrete plans for vacation.

“Are you not going to the annual beach trip?”

Junhui drops the meat, splattering oil against his hand as it hits the grill. He pulls his arm back to rub at the burns, wide eyes meeting Jeonghan’s knowing look.

“You forgot.” Jeonghan says it as a statement, not a question, his pitying gaze betraying his soft smile.

Ever since he started dating Wonwoo and became friends with everyone, they’ve made a tradition of having a short trip at the end of each term. It was beaches for the summer and mountains for the winter.

“Go home,” Jeonghan suggests. “Go meet old friends, ones that you knew before Wonwoo, before any of us. Remember who you were before everything.”

“As much as I want to, I can’t,” Junhui replies sadly. “I don’t have that kind of money to just fly home because of a broken heart.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“You can’t do–”

“I’m not taking no for an answer,” Jeonghan says evenly, tone not leaving room for any debate. “Consider it your birthday gift.”

Junhui accepts the offer, albeit unwillingly, putting a slight strain on conversation for the rest of their dinner. The alcohol helps loosen their lips through the course of the meal, however, washing away any tension between them.

When they part for the night, Junhui realizes the good in Jeonghan’s intentions, and he tells him as such.

“I just want you to be happy, kid.”

 

×××

 

When Junhui tells his friends of his plans to go back home for the summer, he expects to be met with complaints. But other than some whining from Soonyoung, everyone was quite supportive of it. Minghao is even cheeky enough to give him a list of things to bring back to Seoul. But despite having the trip ahead of him, Junhui still had no idea what to do with himself during the summer.

The trip is unexpected, his parents’ busy schedule and his brother’s two-week camp leaving him by himself for when he arrives. Junhui does get a reprieve during his last-minute packing, receiving a message from an old friend.

_Ran into your parents and they mentioned you were coming home. I’ll pick you up at the airport. Let’s catch up!_

Junhui can’t help but giggle the second he steps out of the terminal. Waiting at the barricades, wearing a bright red cap, a white shirt, blue jeans, and a huge smile on his face, is none other than Wu Jiacheng.

Rather than just pick him up and drive him home, Jiacheng makes a day out of it. He takes Junhui out to lunch, both in awe that the restaurant they used to go to was still standing strong.

“So what finally made you decide to come home?” Jiacheng asks right off the bat. “I was starting to think you won’t come back until after you graduate. Hell, I was willing to bet you had no plans on coming back at all!”

Junhui scratches at his cheek awkwardly, flashing a sheepish smile as he tries to think of a good response.

“Boyfriend troubles?”

Junhui can tell that it was a guess, but it surprises him that Jiacheng got it in one try.

“I’m right then,” Jiacheng muses. “From what you told me and even how your mom boasts of your relationship, I was starting to think you were heading for forever. What happened?”

Junhui opens his mouth to speak, only to shut it again when he realizes one stark thing – he doesn’t know the answer either.

 

×××

 

With his parents busy and his brother away, Junhui spends his first few days reacquainting himself with his hometown, visiting old hangouts and checking new places. He runs into several people who express surprise that he was home, making him promise to catch up by way of a meal or another visit. He shares the events to Jiacheng when he gets off work, leading the other to organize group dinners or asking some other friends to attend to Junhui during the day.

At the end of two weeks, Junhui excuses himself from the get togethers in favor of spending time with his brother. He marvels at how tall Feng Jun had gotten, though he supposes that’s what happens when you don’t see each other as often.

“I don’t like it when you’re sad.”

Junhui snaps his head up when he hears the statement, nearly dropping the plate he was washing back into the sink when he spots his brother staring at him contemplatively.

“What makes you think I’m sad?”

Rather than voice out his opinion, Feng Jun sweeps a hand up and down, gesturing to Junhui’s entire person.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Feng Jun sighs, rolling his eyes exasperatedly. “Give me a break,” he grumbles. “I may be young and don’t know a lot of things in life, but I’m not blind. And you’re my brother. I’m pretty sure I know the difference between happy and sad.”

Junhui tries his best to smile, though the look on his brother’s face makes it clear that he’s not buying it. 

“When did you grow up, Yangyang?” he asks, ruffling his little brother’s head in the process.

“Why are you sad?”

Junhui chuckles at Feng Jun’s persistence.

“Take care of your heart, Yangyang, and never break anyone else’s.”

 

×××

 

“We’re picking someone up from the airport.”

Junhui can only nod. It’s not like he can refuse anyway. Jiacheng is the one driving after all. 

“He goes to school in Korea, too,” his friend explains. “It’s just funny how you two never came back home at the same time. This is the first.”

“What’s his name?”

“Yan An. His family moved into my neighborhood about 3 years back. He’s your age.”

Junhui groans at the last statement. “Please tell me you’re not trying to set me up.”

“I would never!”

Junhui bangs his head against the car window when he hears Jiacheng’s mischievous laughter.

“I’m kidding,” his friend says. “I really just offered to pick him up because he’s surprising his parents. I figured it’ll be good for you two to meet since you’re both college bums on summer break. Making new friends isn’t a bad thing, you know?”

He stares at Jiacheng skeptically, but he hums in agreement not long after. If there’s anything this visit home made him realize, it’s that Junhui needs to surround himself with things that don’t have a touch of Wonwoo’s presence. Maybe Yan An can be the start.

 

×××

 

After a few days, Junhui concedes that Jiacheng is right in saying that there’s nothing wrong with making new friends. Yan An is like a breath of fresh air, or perhaps closer to an amalgamation of everything and everyone he needs and misses.

Yan An is tall like Mingyu, shares a similar mischievous smile with Minghao. He exudes a balance of clinginess and independence, much like Soonyoung and Jihoon respectively. And despite knowing him for a short while, Junhui finds that Yan An is someone he can share meaningful conversations with, just like Jeonghan. Most of all, he’s not Wonwoo.

Junhui chooses to be honest from the start. While he couldn’t open up completely to Jiacheng or Feng Jun, he oddly finds it easy to spill everything to Yan An.

“So he got bored,” Yan An muses, staring intently at Junhui as if to challenge him to deny it. He doesn’t. “It’s not something new. I think all relationships reach a certain point where it looks like it ran its course. The difference is how people deal with it. Instead of trying to work on it, he gave up. And maybe, somewhere deep in your heart and mind, you realized that it wasn’t worth fighting for if you were the only one willing to hold on, so you agreed to break up.”

Yan An’s words feel like punches to his gut, but he can’t argue against the truth in them.

“Let me ask you something,” Yan An starts. “Do you miss him now?”

Junhui freezes in his seat and widens his eyes at the bluntness. “Not until you asked,” he grumbles.

“Sorry,” Yan says with a sheepish smile. “But there you go.”

Junhui looks on in confusion.

“You hurt now because the breakup is fairly new. The pain is fresh in your mind. Your friends are his friends, and there’s no way for you to escape his circle without hurting more people. But one day, you’ll be able to find that balance with them again. You and Wonwoo may not be friends now or ever, but you don’t have to sacrifice yourself or everyone else.”

Junhui can barely fathom how Yan An manages to hit the nail on the head, making sense of his feelings before he can even pin a word to them. He’s sad about no longer being with Wonwoo. But more than that, his heart aches knowing there will always be a gap between him and their friends despite not having any conflict. And what Junhui hates more than the pain of breaking up is the uncertainty of things never going back to the way things were.

“Don’t rush it,” Yan An continues. “Take it one day at a time. Slowly but surely, you’ll stop thinking about what he’s doing or who he’s with. You’ll be too caught up in your growth away from him. You’ll be busy living your life – yours. Fulfill your dreams. Reach new heights. And one day, anything that reminds you of him and the pain you’re feeling now will be a thing of the past."

 

×××

 

Junhui hits the ground running for the start of his last term in university, a far cry from how he was a few months ago. Though he still finds himself second-guessing some things, he does make the effort to seek out the company of his friends. If anything, he gets novelty and amusement in their reactions when he shows up without coercion.

Junhui walks into the library with confidence in his step. He dances with his head held up high. He can engage Mingyu in a prank war without needing Minghao to act as a buffer. He can listen to Jihoon’s music without dreading which song comes on next. Moreover, he can meet Jeonghan with a smile on his face. It may not be as bright still, but it was a genuine one nonetheless.

“You look happier,” Jeonghan notes during one of their catch-up dinners.

“Thank you for convincing me to go home,” Junhui replies. “I really needed that.”

“Figured as much. I did the same thing after Seungcheol.”

Junhui takes in all the little details – the nonchalant shrug at mentioning his ex-boyfriend, the peace on Jeonghan’s face. He wonders when he’ll find the strength to act and look the same way.

“Junnie?”

He snaps his head up at hearing his name, jaw dropping when he sees who it was. He gives Jeonghan a side glance and can already see the mischievous glint on his friend’s face.

“Who is this?”

“Uh,” Junhui stammers. “This is Yan An. He’s a friend from home.”

“Just a friend?” Jeonghan asks teasingly.

“For now,” Yan An jumps in.

Junhui nearly falls off his seat.

 

×××

 

October brings about the cold winds of autumn and Minghao’s relentless reminders that his birthday was coming up. As much as he’s loathe to admit it, Junhui’s going to miss him when he graduates. He wonders if he can be like Jeonghan and nag his roommate to catch up regularly.

“What’s going on?” Minghao murmurs as they get closer to the dorm’s exit.

Junhui eyes the small crowd by the doors, listens to the whispers of people they walk past.

“Who is that?”

“He looks gorgeous!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him around campus before.”

The roommates share a curious glance as they step out. But while Minghao continues walking without a care, Junhui comes to a screeching halt, heart skipping a beat as he realizes what the commotion was about.

Clad in a black leather jacket and dark jeans, Yan An definitely makes for a view worth talking about. Add the motorcycle he was leaning against, and he basically fits most people’s James Dean dreams.

Junhui comes back to reality when he hears people start gushing. When his eyes return to focus, he sees Yan An smiling brightly up at him.

“Wen Junhui,” he calls. “You promised me a date.”

Minghao all but pushes him down the stairs, grinding out that Junhui owes him the whole story when he comes back.

Yan An hands over a second helmet before straddling the bike, telling Junhui to hop on as soon as he’s ready.

“Hang on to me.”

As he wraps his arms around Yan An’s waist, Junhui barely registers Minghao and Mingyu’s shouts to have fun, and fails to notice the sad look on Wonwoo’s face as they drive past.

 

×××

 

Junhui just manages to put his shirt on when he hears a knock against his door. He wonders if it’s Minghao, but then remembers that he was away on a weekend trip with Mingyu. Thinking it was Jihoon or Soonyoung, he throws the door open, only to take a step back in shock.

“Wonwoo?”

“Can we talk?”

As he steps aside to let Wonwoo in, Junhui thinks back to the different ways he imagined this moment to go down. How many times did he chicken out of knocking on Wonwoo’s door? How many scenarios did he come up with of either of them begging for another chance? How many nights did he wish for them to be together again?

Yet once Wonwoo finishes talking about regretting their breakup, Junhui thinks of sleepless nights and tiresome mornings after crying himself to sleep. He recalls the pain of seeing Wonwoo look so carefree while he was left trying to pick up pieces of himself.

“Jun?”

Hearing his name pass from Wonwoo’s lips makes Junhui think of just one thing, and he smiles when the realization sinks in. It doesn’t hurt anymore. 

“I can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened,” Junhui starts. “But one day I woke up different. I figured out that life goes on.”

He sees Wonwoo open his mouth in an attempt to interrupt, but Junhui raises his hand to stop him from doing so.

“Let me finish, please.”

Junhui takes a deep breath to compose himself, continuing where he left off with more resolve than he can fathom. He smiles to himself thinking how proud Jeonghan will be of this particular moment.

“You know you’ll always be special to me,” Junhui continues. “I still miss you. I might still love you. And even if those feelings stop, a piece of my heart will always belong to you. But I think, no, I know that this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.”

“Is this because of that other guy?”

Junhui has a question at the tip of his tongue, but shakes his head silently instead. “I came up with so many what ifs inside my head when it comes to you and me, but lately I realized that I need to put myself first before anyone else.”

“I don’t want it to end like this,” Wonwoo pleads. 

“Weren’t you the one to end things in the first place?” Junhui points out ruefully. “Let’s close the chapter on a good note, yeah?”

“Are you dating him?”

Junhui lets out a short chuckle, finding some amusement in Wonwoo’s hardheadedness.

“We’re seeing how it goes,” he says honestly. “One day at a time.”

“I’m sorry I pushed you away,” Wonwoo mutters under his breath. “I’m sorry I made you tired of holding on.”

“Holding on doesn’t make anyone strong, sweetheart. Letting go does.”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, Trisha! Have some angst. {=^-^=}


End file.
